News sources report that B.P's 'top kill' plan to seal the oil pouring into the Gulf has failed. This means their process of dumping mud, rubber debris, and whatever else they have lying around was a complete dud.
Maybe it's time to NUKE IT!
Come on now, don't be frightened of the Big Bad Blast. Setting off nukes is nothing new. According to Answers.com, more than 2,000 nuclear devices have been detonated worldwide since we invented the damn things. Only two of them were used for war, and the other 1,998 were 'tests'. Out in Nevada in the 40s and 50s, people used to take picnic lunches and dark goggles and then try to find a good spot to watch the show.
'Two minutes....two minutes...'
Okay, testing is over. If you haven't got it right after two thousand of them, you never will. It's time to use one of those lead-encased, highly-radiated Fat Boys for a worthwhile humanitarian purpose - sealing the leak once and for all.
Even the basic theory behind this plan has a history. Above-ground oil wells sometimes catch fire. When they do, they stick a butttload of nitro in there and blow that well straight to hell, baby. If you've ever seen the old John Wayne film Hellfighters, then you know the Duke would have fixed this problem weeks ago.
'All right, little lady. Just stand back out of the way for a minute, and you better put on them goggles. I got a job to do...'
Sigourney Weaver gave us the same advice, but from a different angle.
'I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure...'
The most effective way might be to do it at the source. Just dig a big hole next to the leak, drop down a nuke, and then reach 'minimum safe distance' before the thing blows. It worked for director Michael Bay in Armageddon. And what's good enough for Hollywood is good enough for me.
It would rupture the sea floor, cause a hundred million tons of earth to rise up a bit, and then collapse around the leak, sealing it for good.
Or, it could just release all the oil at once. That would probably be a BAD thing.
You rolls the dice, you takes your chances.